“The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing”

2/20/2020

Have you ever felt at odds with yourself between your internal priorities and your external actions? Have you ever said yes when your heart and head wanted to say no to avoid conflict? Have you ever accepted an invitation or request from a boss, a colleague, or particularly a family member for fear of the possible drama that could in-sue? Yeah, me too.

Handling these awkward situations with courage and calm confidence is one of the most difficult skills to master. Although people talk about prioritizing those things that matter the most, few people actually do. And this is why this quote by Stephen Covey: “The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing” resonates with me… as well as with my clients, friends, and probably you too.

Now I’m not getting judgy here. (And yes, I made up the word.) We have our reasons for fearing uttering that 2-letter word - no. Fear of missing out on that great career opportunity. Fear of conflict and confrontation. Fear of disappointing someone.

So why is it hard to say no to someone? Well, we are human… and emotionally hard-wired to want to get along with others. For Ogg and Grog during Neanderthal times, tribal connection and membership were vital to survival. Collectively, they hunted, fished, and built shelters, for example, for literally their survival. In today’s world, although less literal, humans are designed to be collective and collaborative as a community.

So going back to Stephen’s quote… how do we keep the main thing as the main thing in our everyday lives? We start by being honest with ourselves about what is truly most important. And it’s important to do this from a place of non-judgement rather than what those main things “should” be. Because if you are coming from a place of "should" or judgement, someone else is directing the narrative in your heart. For some, it’s making it to our kids’ soccer games. To others, it’s working that second job to make and save money for college, our kids college, that down-payment on a home or deposit on that new apartment across town.

Now the main thing or main things can change over time... because frankly life happens. Main things (also know as priorities) can change when a new child comes into the family… or when you or someone close to you is facing a health challenge. Some main things are for a short stint like when you have family coming in for a short visit that you haven’t seen in a long time.

When we have a grounded sense of clarity in our priorities and main things, somehow the Universe hears us and provides us with the know-how for dealing with the distractions.

So how do we keep our main things our main things in our lives? Here are a few suggestions.

Know your main things. Again, these can and will change and shift over time. A simple example is if you have the flu, your recovery becomes your main thing for those few days.
Be the keeper of your own time....because if you don’t someone else will like bosses, clients, acquaintances, etc.
Learn how to say no with grace and confidence. I know… easier said than done. Here are a few tips and reminders:
Give a simple concise answer to requests on your time and resources. There is the old saying that “no is a complete sentence.” If you want a longer concise answer… “No, I can’t make it this time” . .. “No, I have plans.”… end of sentence and end of subject.
Recognize you are not required to justify your time commitments after work hours with your boss, for example. When at work, you are present at your job and your priority is your job. However, after hours, your family, your group workout at the gym, or running errands is your priority because that is your time…. unless you want to allow your boss to manage your after hours or private time.
Decide how your time is best spent in prioritizing your main things. And make sure you include time for rest and rejuvenation so you have the energy for doing those main things. This way you know what you have available to offer.
Offer a “time later” answer. For close family and friends, where the answer is more of a "not right now", you may want to offer up a type of “time later” answer. For example, “I can’t meet you for coffee this Friday, however, I can on Tuesday at 2pm.
Keep your word. Whether you say yes or you say no, teach people that you stand by your words with grace and certitude. Those that matter will respect you… most importantly, yourself.
Recognize that your time has value like money. And it's up to you to decide where you are going to spend it.
It’s hard until it’s easier. An old habit can be hard to break… until we make a conscious effort to make a change. So be patient with yourself as you work on this new habit of keeping the main things the main things in your life.

Do you have a clever quip or response to those trying to pull you away from your main things? Share it in the comments below. We can all benefit from an effective response... or just a good laugh. :)
**Affiliate link of suggested reading... The Speed of Trust by Stephen Covey

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